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Sure, dating a skinny chick may seem like something to brag about — but both you and I know that REAL relationships need more than plain vital stats. But that does not apply to every guy out there.

Use the time to find more hobbies, new people, and new places. Maybe she makes him feel more needed and more valued than he felt with you. For me personally, I never want to feel like crap again.

Woman creates 'thin' and 'fat' profiles for OKCupid dating site

Dear Wendy is a relationship advice blog. You can read about me , peruse the archives and read popular posts. You can also follow along on and. His Take questions are answered by of smart, opinionated, and funny dudes. I dated a guy for a several months. He broke up with me out of the blue. He has made attempts to get into contact with me, but only with text messaging. I asked him what I lied about, and got no response. So I blocked and deleted him from my phone, Facebook, and Snapchat. About a week after the bar incident, he got a new girlfriend. A mutual friend told me. We live in a small town, so everyone knows everyone. She calls herself a diva. My question is: why do men sometimes leave a woman and then go and date someone who is several steps down from the woman they left? I truly want to know. Because I know at least three or four of my girlfriends to whom this happened to recently. And yet, my boyfriend dumps me and turns around two months later and is Facebook-official with another girl. He brings her knick-knacks, and he spends time with her family. When he and I dated, he never made the relationship official, but I never pushed it because I wanted him to come to make that move. But seriously, can I get insight on why men will breakup with a great girl, and then turn around and date someone who is several steps down? Is it possible he is dating her to get back at me? Maybe in a few months. Also, he just recently hid the fact on Facebook that he was in a relationship with her. I can see it on her page but not on his. Any insight into what this all means? Why did he break up with you? Why is he so frustrated? The most plausible explanation is that he wanted an FWB and you refused; good move on your part. His current relationship reads loud and clear as a rebound attempt, even when we look at it from a neutral perspective i. You already deleted his contact from your phone and his Snapchat dick pics and all that newfangled jazz; now you have to take the real plunge: willing yourself, cold turkey, to ignore his very existence. Diablo Your letter tells me more about you than your ex or his new girl. Just on principle, that is unattractive. We are all a mixture of qualities. We are all perfect for someone. You need to do some work on you, starting with the unfortunate idea that you are better than anybody. Have you considered that he may actually like the girl, and enjoy her company? Drew: Please do not repeat anything you said in this letter to another human being. You are better than this. Whatever the fuck that means. Guy Friday: Methinks the lady doth protest too much. You talk about how amazing you are, so you should have guys lining up around the block, right? Why the laser focus on this guy? Maybe his privacy settings on Facebook are different than hers. Get over yourself, please. Does it make you feel better to harbor all this negativity? Are you trying to soothe your own hurt feelings by putting someone else down? Eradicate that mindset, seriously. Unless said person is a murderer or something, but I digress. You may have a better job but she may be more concerned with spending time with her child. Neither of these make either of you better than the other. So knock that shit off. Maybe he just is using her to get laid and will dump her in six weeks. The relationship is over. Cry to your friends. Eat too much ice cream. Do something — ANYTHING — but focus on him and his new girlfriend. And nobody wants to date that. If you want to attract a great person, then BE a great person. Stop saying such ugly and hateful things about other people. Get a fucking hobby so you stop worrying about Facebook so much. Frankly, no one answered your question. Usually, if you see someone with a bunch of culturally bad baggage low earning potential, weight issues, bad past relationships, ect they make up for it with being really grateful to be in the relationship. They show how much they appreciate the guy. They fawn over him and make him feel needed. Also, maybe she is crazy in the sack. Judge away, but at the end of the day picking apart the person your ex is dating does nothing for you. And honestly it sounds like she has terrible self esteem because she really wants to potentially date this guy again? When my SIL got divorced, she really looked at what she contributed to her breakup. Even though he cheated, she processed everything and is a better partner in her new relationship. She would have acted the same had she learned nothing from that. A bit harsh, sure, but not mean. I think as far as the internet goes, DW commenters are pretty kind. I just get super frustrated with a woman being nasty to another woman over a crappy guy. I know that there should be more female solidarity and I appreciate your anger. Learning that reason can better help you the next go around. Nobody but the guy in question can answer that question for her. Besides, she barely told us about her relationship with him. Maybe instead of questioning why people date someone else after they date you, you should ask yourself why your relationship ended. Maybe work on judging other people less and honestly this guy is not a catch. Do you really want to talk to him in a few months? Focus on yourself more and on other people less. Height, weight, hair color, eye color, job status, social status, religion, and every other detail is all over the place. The only connecting thread is that these were all guys who I enjoyed spending time with and found easy to talk to. Attraction is obviously important to a relationship, but physical appearance is just one of many factors. Oh and drag queens are fucking fierce. I would kill to have their skills. I actually think that happens a lot. Then again, maybe this is a rebound. But as every single one of the guys said… who the fuck cares? Perhaps you are not on as high of a step as you seem to think. He recognized your beauty and strength but was too much of a coward and was not strong enough to be the man you deserve. Hahaha, you know all her tons and tons of friends are saying that RIGHT NOW AS AS WE SPEAK. Oh, and her family is total trash! Why would he date someone like that? Seriously, LW, I hope the responses you are getting to this letter make you do some real soul-searching and self-improvement because your current attitude is just sad and unspeakably ugly. Honestly your ex probably just has a different taste than you. LW, sometimes there are no reasons. Sorry if my response was hurtful. Last February my ex and I had this conversation: Him: Yeah, my friend lectures at high schools about social media: Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat- Me: What is Snapchat? Why does he like her? Although, I must take anyone to task who calls herself a diva. You need to just forget about it and move on with your life. September 11, 2014, 3:10 pm Maybe he purposely sought out behaviors and characteristics that are different than you because he wanted a change. Maybe it was subconscious. Maybe it was neither of those reasons. I do feel bad for you LW, we are taught to hate the people that replace us, because if you were so wonderful he would never have left you, right? Use the time to find more hobbies, new people, and new places. I think a lot of people have asked this question. My ex, who I was with for over a year, picked up with a girl who I am 90% sure he was cheating with in the last few weeks of our relationship after I ended things with him. This girl was the definition of white trash. They are apparently still together, over 3 years later, and the way I look at is trash begets trash. Of course I am generalizing, but they just want a person who makes them feel good about themselves and accepts them for who they are. Who know why he picked her? Maybe you were critical and tried to get him to change. And you sound like a gossipy mean-girl. Men and women are often looking for different qualities in a partner. You said that he accused you of lying. Could he have found out something about you that made him feel you were dishonest? Maybe she makes him feel more needed and more valued than he felt with you. Maybe her family is more excited about him and likes him more than your family did. LW is seeing a pattern of ex-boyfriends of herself and her friends moving on with girls that are much different. Or am I just a horrible person? I mean, seriously, who has never silently judged others? This girl just happened to write it down and send it in anonymously to an advice column, wanting to get some insight on her thoughts. When I have silently judged someone, I always know it comes from a place of anger or insecurity. This was the latter. And it might not even be superficial. Maybe that person was sportier. Or maybe they just had more in common. They like who or what they like. For me, I was a pushover. It makes sense to me now, but at the time I was thinking about superficial things. Your letter comes across as very insecure, and lacking awareness. I agree with pretty much every thing shared here. Perhaps this girl was low hanging fruit. I had a guy do this to me. And all of the women he cheated on me with were overweight with low self-esteem and had nothing else going on in their lives… they all seemed to clean houses for a living. Maybe he has better chemistry with her? Maybe she has some inner qualities that he enjoys? Maybe that is the case here? She likely makes up for her short comings. She is claiming him, integrating him into her family, etc, instead of expecting him to do all the work and make all the moves. And that is why he chose her, dear. PS… The hottest chick can be ugly with an attitude like yours. Funny wins me over every time. LW, What stuck me about this letter was how gossipy it felt. How on earth do you know fact from fiction? Everything you mentioned except for the weight sounded like middle school rumors. I mean word gets around town but most adults take these things at face value. I think you need to spend less time on Facebook and more time getting to know people in person. It will also help your judgments to be more credible as they will be based on your own firsthand experience. After a while you may even be able to critically review yourself enough to attain some personal growth. Try it and good luck. I hope you realize the way you talk about someone else reflects so much on you and I hope this is just an exaggerated vent. Second, I think you need to stop stalking him on FB, seriously. I used to be such a huge social media stalker, really disgusting. I have an ex that I had SUCH a hard time NOT stalking, but what kept me from doing it was to the fact that if I found out something that hurt me i. Third, who he is dating now is not a reflection on you, it has nothing to do with you really. After all, he broke up with you because it was not working. Does it really surprise you that he found someone so different? Maybe the timeframe is shady, but well, shit happens, people fall in love, whatever. The way to get a GF like that so quickly is to go for a less attractive girl that you know has had a crush on you. Just MOA and let him date whomever he chooses. Not everyone wants an equal partner, some people want to coast. We ALL have standards by which we JUDGE yes, I said the J word potential life partners and friends, and acquaintances, etc. You cannot make any decisions for yourself in life unless you have principals and standards and that necessitates making judgments and creating binaries. That said, why are so many people on this thread so self-congratulatory about being non-judgmental? I know everyone has read The Secret and everything, but the fact remains that prior to all this new age pretend positivity bullshit, we were all hardwired to have both positive AND negative feelings about everything in life, including other people. Those are judgments, guys. It sounds like this new gf does not compare to the LW on this basis, which has the LW feeling duped and upset at the unfairness of the situation. We know nothing about the new girlfriend except what letter writer describes. The question LW asks is for insight in why a guy would break up with a great girl and then go several steps down. Its because her judgement process sucks. Its probably lw trying to make three or four months sound like more. That was the vibe I got. That she was still interested at this point. She finds out he has a new girl. She sounds like her ass is a few steps up from her head. LWs judging all the wrong stuff. As far as the description of the girlfriend go, I stand by my first post. You can tell someone is fat and wears heavy makeup. But the rest of that crap was just idle gossip and Facebook. This has nothing to do with the letter writer being better than anyone. We all make judgments but we take it context. Or who someone deserves. I would have been nicer to this letter writer but attitude begets attitude. It is the way she is making him feel. Unfortunately it is temporary and she will end up hurt by him when he leaves her. Let it play out while you stay calm and cool. You can all jump down off the high horse right now.. Time has passed since the person LW originally posted. I hope they are in a happier place and in general have moved on from this bloke. I look to the person who hes chosen.. Also, it continues to amaze me how posters can jump all over calling 20-22 year old women girls and use the term piece or side-piece to refer to other women. A rather demeaning way to refer to other women. Sure you can, and so can OP. Anyway, this happened to me recently. He broke up with me for a stupid reason and freaked out less than a day later. I had secretly been wanting out of the relationship, so I ran. He snagged the first girl that would go out with him in an attempt to make me jealous. Just get a good laugh out of it and move on. Obviously, these guys here are mediocre, average to below average in looks and NOT hot guys and i. Your question is a real question. Looks mean A LOT. Men judge women allll the time, who. Nightclub wise, the unattractive fat friend is always left holding the purse while her pretty friends have all the fun. Your answer, some men need time to grow.. Also, some men can. He can treat her how he wants she. Because the only POSSIBLE attraction can be some arbitrary classification of hawtness. And Baskin Robbins only serves one flavor of ice cream. You two are dating on different planets. He broke up with me and started dating a woman who publicly called him a cheapskate on Facebook. Also she's fat and ugly. A person who trashes someone's appearance is pretty low in my book. A person who thinks herself superior because she has time and energy for working out and a high-powered career, unlike an exhausted single mother? In general, do people sometimes break up with one person and start dating someone else who seems a step down? Sure, and I get that it can be confusing to friends and family. A sense oft a great superiority is difficult to live with. She is condescending toward her ex: the impression is that he lacks good judgment, is not independent, and generally was her inferior whom, for some reason, she chose to date. Basically her pride is hurt, because she is the dumpee, rather than the dumper, when she thought she was dating a little below her league. This is just an extension of tying your personal, or at least dating, worth to how long your ex pines after a breakup, before getting on with life and seriously dating again. It is making the actions of someone who is no longer connected to you all about you. Hes never admit he has a addiction but I no he does. Hes currently in prison as I speak. Some guys are just lame. Know that this does not mean this other girl is unworthy in her own right; She has worth. It simply means that YOU are competitive. And that you have different standards than her. This is a something to be proud of in yourself, as this is your truth, but also know that it is fine if another person does not share those standards. So then, YOU have standards. You have alot to offer. And you liked this guy. But he did not like you. It feels like he choose her OVER you, right? I will show you this isnt about her vs you. First, there are a coupled things to understand. Guys like to feel needed. They like to feel they can bring something to the relationship. It sounds like, with this new girl, he has something he feels he can offer. And everyone in her family adores him! Understand too that he is also wounded, and he is probably very comfortable and safe right now. He doesnt have to invest so much energy with her, and she is easy. And YOU, my dear, are NOT easy. This is not an insult. Its just time to learn it about yourself and own it. I get that you are crying inside. This is how it feels, right? But he is not choosing her over you. And you cant because its not who you are. And he may think you are pretty and talented and all that, but its not really about you. Are you starting to see? My guess is that you are 23-26…. I think you are very young and are learning just how different and unique people can be. My take is: You like d this guy. You probably see saw value in him, but understand that he likely doesnt see that value that you see in himself. This is a tough piece for young women to grasp. My guess is he probably DOES see all your successes, and he is looking at himself wondering what he can offer you. If HE decides he cant give you enough, he will leave you…. All guys do this. Its actually an honorable thing. Trust a guy if he tells you he cant be the guy for you. And remember also: This is his decision. It happens all in his own head and probably somewhat unconsciously, so just respect it. Dont fight him on it. It is not a discussion to have with him. You may say, but he does this and this for me and it makes me feel this way! Its what HE feels he is providing, not what you say he is. Finally, know there is NOTHING you did wrong. In case I havent made that clear. You are being you. He is being him. Sometimes people really like and enjoy each other but simply dont fit. Learn that you need a man that shares your same chosen standards. A man who will push your boundaries. A man who can lead you upward. Let the ex go. And additionally, practice grace and kindness with the new girlfriend. I hear the woundedness and the hurt covered by anger in your words, but do try to be kind. Bottom line is men want attractive women, and being independent is another very attractive feature. I say, move on girl, he dumped you. Also, all of these bitter people need to be more compassionate. Imagine if you had a daughter wondering these questions, is this how you would respond? Girl be happy and healthy and screw this guy. I find my men friends actually do it more. Have a great day!

Maybe it was neither of those reasons. Any fat girl who loses weight for that purpose is stupid and will gain it back and more once she gets a guy. Do that and file becomes easy. Guys like to feel needed. Maybe you were critical and tried to get him to change. Sure, dating a skinny chick may seem like something to brag about — but both you and I know that REAL relationships need more than plain vital stats. If you met her, dating her friends is off-limits. Just pull the cord in their back and they start to mouth the same pre-programmed insults.